For My Kids

     I have two teen age sons at the age of 34. It's obvious, I became a mother at a very young age. I never regretted things, there had been some what-ifs and could-have-beens along the way, but my kids are too precious and I love them so much that whatever trials and hardships I had faced in the past, I'm still here, though a bit stronger now, I'm scared to face these new fears of motherhood. I've heard and read so much about dealing with teenagers  especially boys. Back then I thought parents were just too dramatic, exaggerated and making things complicated for themselves, what's the difference between raising teenagers and kids anyway? They  are still the same kids that you dealt with few years ago. Just like what I  always tell myself, they are just my kids, I am the mother, which means I am THE BOSS. But that was what I thought. It is indeed hard to deal with the young adults. They are always under the impression that they are doing the right thing, that they know everything or at times they know better. I wonder why these kids had forgotten that before they were teenagers, we were there. What makes them think they can fool us? 
     There were times that I wished I could read minds, that I could take a peek at what's going on inside those heads... I have so many questions, fears, worries. Why is it so hard for them to understand that we only want the best for them? I know at times I'm being too strict, I lost my temper loads of times, I said  things that I shouldn't.. 
     I hope these kids would still love me, I hope someday they will understand. I am writing this blog for my kids. I hope one day they'd get to read this. I wan't them to know that no matter how many times I had lost my temper, no matter how much misunderstanding we had, I am here, ALWAYS here to understand, to support them emotionally, to help them to become better individuals, I want them to be prepared for whatever they want to do with their lives. 
     In their eyes, I might be a monster mom, but deep inside me, I know how much I love them. There is nothing I wouldn't give, nothing I wouldn't do for them. They are my life, my treasure.